The Benefits of Journaling Slash Diarying

I've decided to make my website, which gets syndicated onto Apple News, into some sort of professional-ish diary with lots of personal stuff about.

"Why?" you ask. A few reasons.

  • People might laugh at some of what I say and what's happened to me. As anticipated, because my creative bloggy-article writing sucks on purpose in poking fun at myself and is more so me talking it out like I'm eating lunch with you in a casual tone once again on purpose, some people might cry reading it. Good. Cry those tears, English teachers. We can't all be Ernest Hemingway. I much prefer being Walt Disney or Pedro Almodovar with his weird scripts. And, my journalism writing is awesome for eternity.
  • It comes from a place of hurt. I don't want to get into detail. In the past, people have gotten the wrong ideas about me thanks to the rumor mill. When I was younger, I wasn't so freely expressing myself and out there online. People had the wrong impressions. For a long time.
  • The idea of journaling makes me feel like Doug Funnie off Nickelodeon's Doug. And that theme song starts off. "Dooo dooo dooo dooo dooo doo do do doo doo do!" Let's go for it. "Dear journal. Today, Patti Mayonaisse had a hot lesbian affair with me in the girls' bathroom and we invited Bebe Bluff to spice up the purple action. Roger Klotz walked in and was like, "Hey Funnie!" and I remembered, I'm not some Nicole girl who loves animation and watched my show. I'm Doug. I was a straight guy having a dream again who has no chance with Patti Mayonaisse." Sorry, only Doug fans might catch all those references.
  • Writing about who I really am feels good. I can write down incredibly stupid stuff or advice for young people based on my mishaps. Like an upcoming post idea on why graduating early doesn't benefit you. Yes, good idea.
  • Maybe you'll relate to me!
  • What if I learn stuff about myself in the process? This could be like summer yoga camp for some people. Summer camp to me sounds awesome when you remove all the parts about camping, having a uniform, living in a cabin, jumping into fresh water and ruining your cool new sneakers, people sticking gum in your hair, uh–what's so good about summer camp to people again?
  • No, it'll be like Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul type journaling! Adult edition.
  • A horrible excuse to try random food and write about it. Because I was taking photos of my food a solid decade and a half ago before people copied me.
  • I can chronicle my life adventures and look back on this when I am old. Hopefully, I won't have matured one bit.