Let’s Try It! Anchovies On Pizza

 A Google search tells me the Olsen Twins as kids, one Ninja Turtle, a Cartoon Network character, and weird people are said to order anchovies on pizza. I tried anchovies as a pizza topping last oh, probably, in 2001.


“You probably never ate them again for some reason: they’re awful,” someone told me today. Changing the words to Iggy Azalea’s “Team” rap song for a sec here, I took a chance because I’m from Chicago. I tried the pizza. Go me!

Selecting the pizza, go gourmet or go home. Anchovies aren’t for Domino’s today. I ordered from a true Italian-American joint. Probably the only type of venue where I wouldn’t be pizza shamed. Nobody tried to raise a Botoxed eyebrow. Hope not. I called in the order on the telephone. This joint has an actual New Yorker leading the team who knows his foodie stuff. Their pasta is excellent. The pizza had to be. Right? RIGHT?

My pizza was dropped off. I was wearing workout clothes from my top secret weight workout I crafted from a men’s fitness magazine inside: a sloppy ponytail, glasses, flat pool sandals, a red workout face and no makeup. I as far as I know didn’t frighten anyone. The sight of me all yucky and the anchovies combined is like...horror flick material. Men aren’t supposed to know that women secretly look human.

My pizza came with a free minestrone soup. Yum. I drank it, prepping for the scary and beautiful small pizza in front of me. Cheese. Tomatoes. Eggplant. Anchovies. Sorry, yeah. I am inexperienced. Did I order the right toppings?

I don’t know if anchovies are good on fast food pizza. On a solid Italian-ish pizza, hmmmm. How might I describe this? When you first eat it, you feel like, “What is this? So fishy. Plucked out of the ocean and salted. I can’t taste anything but this fish.”

A moment later, your brain notices the cheese and remaining toppings. Everything tastes good. Oddly good. You don’t understand why. The fishy taste. What!?!? You aren’t supposed to like this, and my brain says I do.

Would I order this combo again? Absolutely. The anchovies are probably better quality. Unsure if this would taste good on fast food pizza. For now.