Black Greek Olives Fascinate Me Like Liam Hemsworth's Hair

As far as dating goes, not that this is my problem, nor has he expressed an interest, therefore all of this is hypothetically speaking, Liam Hemsworth is hot but not someone I ever wanted to date if I had to pick any man off the planet. He is too classically-accepted-type-of-good looking for my interests and not enough 1970's Luke Skywalker or Denzel Washington. Miley Cyrus can keep him! His sexy bronde hair highlights are another story.

Black Greek olives have the same effect on my tastebuds. Ew, rephrase that. That sounds like all I do is eat Liam Hemsworth's hair off the floor. OK, why don't we try, the olives are to my tastebuds as his hair is to my eyes? Better. Much better.

Why am I so into black Greek olives? Since I was a kid?

Reason #1: Weird Cravings

I can't eat chocolate without getting sick. Blame it on childhood diabetes. I mean, I can eat it, and I temporarily get high on chocolate like it's a drug, actually. It has the same effect on me. Including weight loss. But as I mentioned, some little phrase, "I get sick," you don't always want to get sick with chocolate when the results are not cool apart from weight loss.

Therefore, my bizarre craving foods have always been stuff like this.

Adding in that diabetes is hormonal, it's like permanently being pregnant. Mind you, I've never been pregnant. Assuming here. Imagine that every day of your life, you crave something so weird, it doesn't make sense. Such is my life. Food that is meh to me one day, on a day I crave it, is like the best thing I have ever had in my life like if someone handed me cash.

As we're going stream of conciousness here, truth be told, I took Johnny Depp's cash one time sort of by accident. He left it in the backseat of a taxi when I got back home buying cat litter and left again for food. I wanted to give it to him, really I did. He was gone. About a minute after I saw him, I realized, "Wait, that's Captain Jack Sparrow's cash? I knew I recognized him from somewhere." I used it to eat dinner. Not black olives, surprisingly. A grilled cheese. Mmmmm, yeah! An amazing grilled cheese and tomato soup, complete with the most awesome bread I ever had. Because really, you need to know this, grilled cheese is a top secret craving food I get many days. Yes, Mr. Depp, I will repay you the cash one day. We can rejoyce over a grilled cheese.

One time, I went out to a restaurant with my great uncle as a child in Illinois. As a side dish at the Italian restaurant, I ordered a plate of black Greek olives. Fun fact. At the time, I had yet to understand my cravings were actually the work of Jedi knights. Many days, I feel my weird cravings are only explained by mysticism, or Star Wars. But no. Hormones. Sorry.

Reason #2: They're Weird Looking

Why are pitted olives punctured in such a way they resemble coat buttons? Think about it. As a kid, I asked my family and got, "It doesn't matter! Enjoy them." As a grownup, the shape mystifies me.

Olives look so strange when pitted.

Olives look so strange when pitted.

Reason #3: They Taste Good On Everything

Pizza. Salad. Tuna salad. Tofu salad. Salad salad, as in the green spinach-y sort. Penguin salad. OK, don't do the last one. You might get in trouble with international animal preservationists.

Reason #4: They Taste Good Alone

I can eat a stack of these easily. And that's on a non-craving day.

Reason #5: Black Olives Are Squishy

I happen to love specific food textures. Who hasn't loved crunching into a delicious toasted seed bread slice? I love the feel I get eating olives.

Reason #6: Shallowness

They make your hair and skin worhty of a romance novel cover.

Reason #7: Inner Body Health

Feel free to read up online on the many reasons olives are good for your body. Vitamin E! Calcium! Iron! Copper! Your body loves the natural benefits from olives. This website claims: "Dietary antioxidants have been shown to reduce the risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease and cancer." And improved heart health? I'm in!

Reason #8: Mediterranean Diet

Wow, is that word hard to spell. Mediterranean. Sure, I love Japanese and Spanish. I'm awesome. In many ways, like awful spelling, I'm so American and out of it in terms of worldly charm. Definitely used a spell check on that one.

Mmmm, olives in hummus! Or olives in general. It all fits into the diet.

If the Mediterranean diet is your thing, go for it. I happen to eat a variation of a Mediterranean diet many days. Some days, a very olde European diet with my black tea. Others, very Japanese. I skip around.

Reason #9: They change the flavor of any food! Yum.

Bored with a recipe? Toss in any olives. Any cuisine, I'll add. Middle Eastern. Italian. American. UK. Anything. Dream it up. Your olives will taste good in it.

Reason #10: I'm hungry at the moment.

I haven't had dinner yet. As my mini snack, I ate olives before I hopped on the laptop. Big mistake. The brain goes off music on the music tips and directly onto this. Not better, it's a craving day. Uh oh. #blush

Lunch today was a salad. You can imagine I am slightly hungrier, in contrast to a day in which lunch is a dandwich, aka. "dandy sandwich." Or handwich, which I'd love to call "happy sandwich" but we could interpret as eating a human hand. No thanks.

My salad having black Greek olives didn't satisfy my craving because, hello, craving day. Enough said.